I've been meaning to write this post for awhile, but better late than never....
BABY T IS A BOY!
We found out several weeks ago and announced it a few weeks after on Facebook. It was pretty early to find out, but I took a blood test that tests for all sorts of disorders and diseases (all of which I ended up being low-risk for) but we could also opt to find out the sex of the baby and we just couldn't resist!
When the results from the test came in, we had someone at my OB's office put them in a sealed envelope and we dropped the envelope off to Sugar Shack where they made us this big cupcake (pictured) filled with either blue or pink. On the Saturday it was ready, we got some lunch, picked up the cupcake, went home and, fully expecting to see pink on the inside, cut it open and found out we are having a BOY! It was special moment for us and we will remember it forever. Anthony & I are having a son... it's just crazy awesome to think about! I am still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that we are now parents! I know we're thirty, but most days I still feel like I can't possibly be old enough to have a grown-up job or a house and a yard, let alone be someone's mom! I'm just really excited to meet the little guy already and get these next several months over-with because, even though I am so excited about and thankful for this baby, this pregnancy has not been easy.
Here I am... over 17 weeks pregnant and still sick. At twelve weeks, everyone told me that it should be starting to get better. At the end of my first trimester, people said "oh, this should be your last week or so of feeling sick." But now, at over 17 weeks along, I mostly hear things like "I'm so sorry" and "Man, that sucks." And, let me tell you, it does suck. I'm not going to sugar-coat it or act like I'm in pregnancy bliss because I'm not. I feel horribly nauseated and void of energy 5/7 days a week - even if I don't throw up (thanks to my medicine), I have zero appetite, I've lost weight, and I even had to get another IV of fluids pumped into my system last weekend.
Yup... it was a super-hot Friday date night at urgent care with a needle in my arm as I coughed up a lung because of this terrible cold I've had for almost two weeks while Anth did homework in the chair next to my hospital bed. Then we went and got pizza where he patiently waited at the restaurant for almost two hours for me to finish one glass of iced water while I slowly got down some food. Once finished, we went home and went to bed... and that was an eventful weekend for me considering the fact that most of my pregnancy I've been home-bound after work and on the weekends not feeling good enough to do much of anything.
When I had hopes of this sickness petering out after the first trimester, I felt emotionally drained but still really looking forward to experiencing the remainder of the pregnancy. Now, I just feel super defeated, a bit stir-crazy, and wondering how I'm going to get through the next 4 1/2 to 5 months before baby comes without having an emotional breakdown all while preparing for his arrival and living away from family and close friends.
Don't get me wrong, I am still so happy and so in love with this baby, but the longer the sickness lasts, the crazier I feel inside and it is becoming slightly overwhelming. My Google search history is filled with things like "Celebrities who hated being pregnant" or "when pregnancy just plain sucks" because I'm desperate to not feel alone and to know there are other women out there like me, where advice like "keep crackers by your bed at night" and "try ginger or lemon drops" didn't help even a little bit and, some days, even when you're taking anti-nausea medicine, it's not unheard of to throw-up every hour or so... all-day-long.
Thankfully the bad, bad days of throwing up ten or more times in a 24 hour period are mostly gone at this point, but I still have days where even eating a popsicle will send me running off to vomit and I still struggle with fighting this constant feeling of being nauseated nearly every day out of the week and I am just so completely over it.
Where is this second-trimester energy boost I keep hearing about? Where is my lost-appetite I've been told I'd get back? When will it be easy to drink water again?
These are all questions I do not have the answer to so I am left with one option... to just wait it out with God and just keep praying for this little boy's health and for strength to endure another day. Most days, that prayer sounds a lot like "Come on, God. Please." because that's all I can muster. And, you know what? That's okay. When your best friend is the Creator of the universe, you just trust that He knows your heart and He knows what you need and all you can do is rest in that truth.